Monday, 30 March 2009

The Unexpected = written by aLYaa (original)

Doodled by aL sYa at Monday, March 30, 2009
while u r reading this story,make sure u r listening to YUNA-AFTER MIDNIGHT(it's in my playlist)..hahahah hope this story will haunt u tonight!hahahah

She was typing something. Hit here and there on the keyboard. Her face looked so empty, yet I could still read her pain in the heart. I was wondering why the sweet smile of hers disappear all of a sudden. She looked very pale as if she had not eaten for weeks. Her fit body shape also turned to extremely skinny. I was very worried for her. While she was still concentrating doing her works, I stepped into the kitchen to prepare some meals. I started chopping the chilies, onions, garlic and cabbages. I was going to cook nasi goreng Cina, the simplest recipe but the most delicious meal I can cook. I know this is her favourite so; I would make it for her. Hopefully she would be smiling again and cheerful as before; the old happy-go-lucky Angela.

“BANG!”

I was shocked to death by the loud sound. I accidentally let go of the knife I was holding. The knife flew and it landed just next to my smallest finger on the left hand. Grasping breath repeatedly, I tried to make myself calm. Meanwhile, I was thinking about the wicked sound.

“What the heck is really happening?” I thought. "Oh, my God! Was it Angela?"

I dashed to her room. Going up the two storey house stairs felt like I was going up the stairs in Batu Caves Temple. I pushed her bedroom’s door very hard and there; I saw she was lying on the floor with bloods leaking out from her head like a river flow.

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why did you do this to yourself, Angela?”

I sat next to her on the floor and I heard her whisper. She said, “Help me, Carol,”

I started to cry and at one time I thought that there was nothing that I could do to help her.

“Help what, Angela?” But all that she replies was just her smile and she collapsed.

I called the police right after I confirmed she’s dead, with smile on her face. She looked so eerie. I tried not to touch her or her pistol before the police came; afraid to be accused as her murderer. I waited outside the house with a non-stop tears falling down on my both cheeks.

“You have done something stupid, Angela. If you had problems you should have just told me.”

The police wanted to seal the house because it’s a crime scene now and they have to start the investigation. I had to leave the house. The police allowed me to take some clothes with me. When I began to walk out from my bedroom, I felt someone was holding my right hand. I looked up and Angela was standing beside me. My eyes could be cheating on me. This must be an illusion or something.

“The laptop, Carol. Take it with you, please.” I know it sounded crazy and it really made my hairs stood up.

“Carol, take it!” Her angry voice forced me to do so.

“Officer, I need to bring along the laptop in her room with me.”

“I am afraid we can’t let you do that, miss. It’s a crime scene. Maybe the laptop can help us a lot.”

Out of the blue, I saw Angela was standing behind the police officer and staring deeply into my eyes. Ouch, this was creepy!

“But I really need it. I have to submit my thesis tomorrow. Come on, officer, it is for my graduation.” I lied to convince him because Angela looked very angry back there. After a lot of “hmmm” he finally gave the permission to take the laptop with me.

“Thanks, officer! You must be an understanding father.” I smiled as Angela disappeared.


I started my car engine and was heading to the hotel nearby. I was grateful because my pocket money was still enough. Being a part time worker was no bad at all. While I was driving, I thought about the appearing of Angela’s ghost. What did she want from me? My phone unexpectedly rang while I was driving.

At the same time as I was trying to answer the call, “If I were you, I will not answer the call.” Gosh! It’s her, again! I lost a little bit of control in driving because of her. The phone call stopped.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were dead, Angela!” I decided to stop the car as near as possible.

“Can you do me some favor?” she asked.

“What? Why now? Why must be after your death?”

“You’ll help me or not?” Oh, God! She made that horrid look again!

“Alright, if I can,” I said, half-hearted.

“I want to know who killed me and you must help me find him,”

“What?! Didn’t you just kill yourself?” This ghost was insane!

“No! It wasn’t I that killed me. It was someone else!”

“There was no one else besides me in the house during your death! You killed yourself, Angela!”

“Hey, listen! I said, I know someone killed me and it obviously wasn’t me! You’ll help me or not, Carol?”

to be continued........

i couldn't find a suitable title for this story..help me!!

4 budak suka tunjuk gigi:

Nurul The Witch on 30 March 2009 at 23:29 said...

hye alyaa!

1. maybe u should introduce Angela 1st in the first paragraph, bcuz, mase bunyi 'bang!' tu, tiba2 'was it angela?', i was confused kejap (who's angela???), something like that.

2. separate dialogues from the story. in a paragraph, u tend to put all the possible dialogues within, so mcm x neat. but at the end, okay ckit

3. gile creepy! syabas syabas

4. try not to repeat the same word after using it for few times, like 'scary'. try using thesaurus to find more similar words.

5. title = i did think of a word suitable, tp lupe jap haha :D nnt i komen balik :D

6. that's all! cant wait for the next 'episode'!! ^__^

note: really a good story, dik. i'm impressed.

aL sYa on 30 March 2009 at 23:58 said...

kak nurul,hihi,thx!

1-haha actually nk kekalkan je SHE,xmau letak name..tah cmane terletak name jgk hahah

2-hm tulis elok2 dlm microsoft word,copy paste kt blog jd cam gitu..thx,nnt sy edit =P

3-sgt creepy ke?wahaha..maceh2 =)

4-tu la problem dr dulu,kne cari word laen,asyik gune yg same je hoho..biasenye check kt thesaurus online,tp ms tuleh cte ne internet sgt slow..huhu

5-u did?great!inform me asap ;)

thanks a lot! XD

Arc-Mall said...

ok..it's not bad though..still u could put a little bit more of suspens 2 dea story 2 make it more interesting...haha..at least it's a thriller dat's ok wif me..heh

aL sYa on 31 March 2009 at 22:07 said...

akmal,
wut do u expect from amateur like me?
i believe that i did my best shot,
hope that i will keep on improving..

 

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